I am an Aquarius. I hate water. I almost drowned as a child. For the longest time I refused to put my face under water without holding my nose, almost believing that if I didn’t hold my nose, I would immediately suck water in and drown. Washing my face in the shower was always a very quick thing.
Last summer I finally learned how to swim without holding my nose. I’m 35. But that still doesn’t change how I feel about water with its soft and flowing and subtle—fluid—qualities. Not words that I use to describe my personality, which is what a type 2, water element, individual should be. As I child I cried a lot. I was labeled by my parents as sensitive. My father was sensitive, and I thought I was exactly like him. Now, I’d say, maybe just a little like him, but not exactly. Growing up, I was just misunderstood because I didn’t know how to express myself.
So my whole life I have been living as an introvert. Shy, afraid to speak up, doubting my self-worth and most definitely my beauty. My mother had no fashion sense and could not school me on such matters. She cut my hair until I was old enough to cut it myself and bought all my clothes at the thrift store in sizes that never fit.
Fast forward to becoming a grownup. I think I look like a mutant. I mean seriously. My face is ridiculous. Laughable. So goofy looking. Not a dynamic beauty.
Over the years, I learned to embrace my sensitivity, but as more opportunities came to me, such as being called to teach for over two years as a woman’s teacher for my church, I realized I was something else. And to top it off, after being cured of my depression (yes, cured) I now realized I have anxiety. Why? I have too much restless energy. That would be the best way to describe it. RESTLESS. I even have restless leg syndrome, and when my body is extremely stressed or fatigued will actually manifest throughout my whole body.
So how did I learn that I am a type one—air?
I have a constant, ever changing, perpetual interest in gardening. When I am sweating out in the sun, and then pause, there would be a moment—a moment when the wind rustles and breaks the sweltering intensity of the heat on my skin, or the gentle rustle of the leaves would speak to me. Those are the times I feel true peace. Wind is my favorite thing to feel, to hear, to experience. God answers my prayers through the wind. He tells me that he created this world, that moment for me.
My element is air.
So when I first listened to the energy profiling course, I immediately thought, I’m air! I’m type one!
But it took a while. After listening to all of them, and this is a type one thing, I thought, I could be all of them! I most certainly see where I manifest my personality in all of them. Especially my sensitive two nature, and my critical four nature.
It took a while to see my type in my face. After reading through the descriptions in the book and watching the videos online, I thought, Carol is bonkers. Everything that she was pointing out looked the same across the different types. My head was spinning.
Finally, and it took a while, I could see that my goofy face is actually cute and youthful. Actually a type one. Twice in one week, I was told that I looked in my twenties! My nose turns up, and I have apple cheeks. A random, crooked nose. Nothing soft, subtle, bold, angular, elegant, exotic, or stunning. People have remarked that I am cute.
I can own that.
But I was waiting for the one moment, the ah-ha. The warm confirmation. And I got it.
While reading type one’s description in Discover Your Personal Type of Beauty I came across this paragraph about Carol’s daughter, Jenny.
Jenny once again committed to be herself—her Type 1 animated, fresh, light self. At the end of our walk, she had an impulse of an idea to run into the ocean with all her clothes on and just go for a swim right then and there. She told me before she took off, “I need to follow this impulse just to honor myself right now.”
A warm feeling flooded my body. The impulse to honor myself in the moment is exactly how I feel all the time. I have so many impulses that are being squashed, and I want my energy to be free. I’m finally coming to embrace who I am, even if that includes, dancing like a crazy fool in my kitchen. Do you ever have an urge to drive down the wrong way on a one way street? Oh my gosh, I always want to do that. One time I did, by accident. But it was the greatest rush!
My energy is upward and light, and moves outward. It is the expression of an extrovert. So many people tell me I am an extrovert because of my bubbling energy. (But that’s once you get to know me.) One friend of mine once told me I was random! And I always loved that. I am random. Apparently I have too many thoughts going on in my head at once, and things pop out and don’t always make sense. And I have a hard time completing a thought because once I’ve already thought it, it’s gone. If I don’t write it down, I forget it! I stumble over my words when I speak because I am too impatient to get to the end of a sentence. That has been a challenge for writing, and often makes my words look dyslexic.
So I can stand up and no longer be a closet extrovert.
I am an extrovert!
But I also realized something else. I am an introvert too. Ooo, double-edged. And I knew I always was an introvert because I need to be alone to recharge my energy. This leads me to my secondary. Type 4.
Type fours are constant and still—the lowest energy movement. The element is earth. Type four energy is an introvert expression. I actually felt relief as I read through type four’s description. It picked up where my personality didn’t hit with all my type oneness. I was glad I didn’t have to hide the fact that I needed time to recharge my batteries. The big thing for me was their tendency toward perfection. Yeesh. That’s me to a T. And I am very CRITICAL! Oh and I love things simple. I would live the life style of a minimalist if I could. Bare rooms, with mattress on the floor. That is my secret dream—to live alone with nothing to smother and encumber me. I need freedom!
And air. I see how they fit. Two polar opposites. Hmmm, I wonder if this is where bipolar disorders come from. JK.
The next step: add some air to my life.
I look forward to a new me.